Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I've heard this time and time again, and I didn't buy it until the past week.
Do I miss my family? Of course I do. My boyfriend? Clearly. My friends? Without a doubt. Do I long for salads without slimy vegetables, forks instead of chopsticks, toilets that don't require squatting or hovering, and a language I can understand? More than I could possibly express. However, the absence I've felt most during this entire trip is over a much more nebulous thing I never thought I'd shed tears over.
I miss my country.
The idea of a homeland is a pretty funny concept to begin with. Does where you're born really matter that much in shaping who you are? Even if you've lived there for most of your life, would you ever really feel an allegiance to that place? You can miss people and foods and languages, but is it really possible to feel a void when it comes to something as huge and vague as your homeland? Especially in America, where people still claim roots in Ireland, Hungary, Germany, Italy, Poland, etc., the concept of "homeland" is strange and fluid.
It's not that I've ever disliked America. I've always pretty much liked my country, but I've also had my fair share of gripes with it too. I was raised with an understanding that I'm lucky to live where I live and to have what I have, so it was part of how I perceived the world. I traveled to Juarez, Mexico when I was ten with a group from my church and I knew then that where I lived was something special. However... there is a bit of maturation that occurs between ten and twenty-one (in most cases, at least), and my time in China has illustrated many things for me, but the brightest illustration has been that the United States of America is a beautiful, incredible, awe-inspiring place to call home.
To clarify: I'm not saying that China is bad. I'm not even saying I've disliked my time here. I've actually really enjoyed my time here, but there are certain differences that one simply cannot ignore. It's also not that I'm judging the Chinese or saying anything about "East" versus "West," (I say this not only as a disclaimer so that Emerson professors don't get all up in arms, but also to clarify that my feelings do not stem from an understanding of "East" and "West" as legitimate defining concepts) but rather that in looking at certain basic human needs (clean water) and desires (communication, freedom), I find China to be lacking.
It's hard, too, to totally ignore what your life has been when you travel someplace new. For a while when I first arrived, I tried hard to be "unAmerican," so that the Chinese would see me as something more than my country. I didn't want them to see me as loud, obnoxious, and large. I wanted to blend in as much as possible while making them see that I was more than where I came from. After a while, I realized a few things. The first thing is that any concept of a nationality as being strictly one way is just unfair. The Chinese aren't all polite and quiet. Americans aren't all loud and obnoxious. The Irish aren't all drunkards, and the Jews aren't all cheap. So... if I happen to be loud and American, then that's what I am. After a while, I realized that I will never blend in here. It's just impossible, and maybe that's not such a bad thing. After struggling with chopsticks and stumbling for words, after being photographed and pointed at, after realizing that regardless of how well I use a Chinese fan I will always still be "foreigner," I understood something. The truth is (and maybe this is "so American") that I don't care what these people think of me. I don't want to offend anyone, and I go out of my way to ensure that doesn't happen. I'm not disregarding cultural sensitivity or awareness. Quite the opposite, I'm embracing my own cultural differences and understanding that aside from all that, it's not my job to change the way an entire country feels about my own. I do think that it's time that some dialog happened between the youth of our two countries (there are so many issues boiling beneath the skin of our two selves), but my two months here could not possibly show all of China that Americans are as human as they are. My two months here could only broaden my own understanding, as far as I know it, because their minds are their own. My mastery or ineptitude with chopsticks has nothing to do with who I am, and it certainly has nothing to do with who these people are or what their lives are like.
What I do know is this: I am more thankful for my life and where I come from than I ever thought I would be. I have watched medal ceremony after medal ceremony, and every time an American flag is raised and I hear our national anthem, I start to cry. My heart aches and swells with pride and longing for my homeland. I'm still Hungarian and Irish and a sliver of German, but my roots are buried deep, deep, deep in American soil.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
An invitation to have drinks with the BBC? Sure.
I apologize for being so flighty in my Blogging lately! I have been working every day and having very little time or energy at the end of the day. I spent the past week at the Capital Gymnasium doing flash quoting for men's and women's volleyball. My supervisors were Joy and Emma (Chinese and Italian, respectively), and I love them. I did a lot of interviewing, writing, and running to press conferences. I kept asking questions during the press conferences (ONS reporters are usually silent, apparently), and Emma giggled at me. She's a pretty tough Italian woman, and I thought she was laughing at me. I was kind of offended, but yesterday (which was my last day at the venue), she was talking to me about how much she wanted me to stay. She said that she was very impressed by the questions I was asking in the press conferences, and she said she had to chuckle to herself because of how "ballsy" it was to speak up so much. I got some good quotes from it, and I didn't realize it was gutsy, so it was really nice to get some good feedback.
I started at the Bird's Nest today, which was crazy. To see the stadium packed with people and full of athletes was really neat. There are two sections that we cover: the mixed zone (which is inside the stadium, away from the field of play, and dominated by print journalists), and the broadcast mixed zone (which is right off the field of play, still outside, and solely broadcast journalists). I ended up spending today in the broadcast mixed zone, meaning that I hopped around to anyone who was speaking English, and squeezed in behind the reporter to scribble down quotes. I spent time with NBC, the BBC, and EuroSport. I was so amazed by how friendly everyone was! I was joking around with the BBC a lot ("Let's all just split a bottle of wine and make this day go by a bit faster!") and ended up making friends with the Italian station next to us, though they didn't speak English and I clearly don't speak Italian. It was cool, and I was busy all day. The weather wasn't as brutal as I was anticipating it to be, which made being outside all day pretty bearable. I saw every track and field event today (qualifying rounds), and saw all of the athletes really close up. Tyson Gay was maybe two feet from me at one point. Amazing.
Anyway, I was up this morning at 5:00 and I'm doing it again tomorrow (after that, I'm on the evening shift, so I won't be getting home until 2:00 a.m.), so I'm going to go take a little nap! We celebrated our first day of legit work at the Bird's Nest with a trip to American Cafe (burger! milkshake!) so I am now full and sleepy. Best combination for a nap!
Keep your emails coming, I've loved getting updates!
I started at the Bird's Nest today, which was crazy. To see the stadium packed with people and full of athletes was really neat. There are two sections that we cover: the mixed zone (which is inside the stadium, away from the field of play, and dominated by print journalists), and the broadcast mixed zone (which is right off the field of play, still outside, and solely broadcast journalists). I ended up spending today in the broadcast mixed zone, meaning that I hopped around to anyone who was speaking English, and squeezed in behind the reporter to scribble down quotes. I spent time with NBC, the BBC, and EuroSport. I was so amazed by how friendly everyone was! I was joking around with the BBC a lot ("Let's all just split a bottle of wine and make this day go by a bit faster!") and ended up making friends with the Italian station next to us, though they didn't speak English and I clearly don't speak Italian. It was cool, and I was busy all day. The weather wasn't as brutal as I was anticipating it to be, which made being outside all day pretty bearable. I saw every track and field event today (qualifying rounds), and saw all of the athletes really close up. Tyson Gay was maybe two feet from me at one point. Amazing.
Anyway, I was up this morning at 5:00 and I'm doing it again tomorrow (after that, I'm on the evening shift, so I won't be getting home until 2:00 a.m.), so I'm going to go take a little nap! We celebrated our first day of legit work at the Bird's Nest with a trip to American Cafe (burger! milkshake!) so I am now full and sleepy. Best combination for a nap!
Keep your emails coming, I've loved getting updates!
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Ups and Downs and Ups
Alright, since my brother is a smartypants and people have been harassing me to write more, I'm actually going to write a little bit about my day.
Today was my first full day of work. I went to Capital Gymnasium to watch volleyball preliminaries and interview athletes. It was so incredible and made me want to play volleyball again. I think I'm going to join a recreational league when I get back to Boston. There are a few that meet in Brookline, etc., so I'm thinking of getting back in the swing of things.
These women are superhuman. I know I said the same thing about track stars, but I felt it even more with the volleyball players because I have a good grasp on what they're doing. Most of these women are HUGE (6'5ish). Watching what they can do with their bodies was unbelievable. One player on Cuba's team had an intense jump serve (where the player jumps as they are serving the ball). She would toss the ball EXTREMELY high into the air (high enough that she had time take two steps back), and then glide to the ball and jump in the air to meet it. She was 6'4 or 6'5, and perfectly proportioned. Her arms and legs were insanely long and all muscle. She would hit the ball and her body would curve as she did so, so all of her force was guiding the ball to its destination. She placed her serves perfectly (right into the hole of Poland's defense), and I was awestruck. Another player on Cuba was a left side hitter, and her attacks were out of this world. I was scribbling down notes and keeping track of the sets while trying to pull my jaw up from my lap.
I felt giddy and nervous as I approached the mixed zone to interview my athletes, like an awkward high school boy about to ask the head cheerleader to prom. Hands sweaty, voice crackling, I attempted my first interview with a Polish setter I'd been watching closely. After Poland lost, I was certain the players wouldn't be happy to speak with journalists mixed zone. I cleared my throat and said her name, and she turned and greeted me with a smile. This superhuman setter, who is the definition of fierce (6'4, blonde, thin, tan, powerful) and who'd just suffered a loss in her first game at the Olympics, was happy to chat with me (lowly me!) who'd been admiring from a far. She handled herself with such grace (as did all of the athletes I encountered today) that I walked away feeling certain that she was not real.
I did a few press conferences today as well, which were quieter and not as much fun as the mixed zone. It was my first day at the Capital Gymnasium, so I was a little uncertain of where I was going when I first arrived. Once I got rolling, though, it felt great to buzz about the venue with my notebook and pen. I loved the fast-pace of getting quotes and entering them, and being briefed on the match beforehand was awesome as well. I'm excited to do it again tomorrow!
When we were waiting for the shuttle bus home, one of the girls got a text message from a friend who said that two Americans were stabbed at the Drum Tower by a Chinese man, who then killed himself. After the bustle and excitement of my day, I was taken to an extreme low that was accompanied by fear -- something I've experienced very little of since I arrived. Crysty was at the Drum Tower last night to watch the Opening Ceremony (I was perched at a little ex-pat spot called Room 101). Here's the full story from the NY Times. One American was killed and the other injured. Both were relatives of the U.S. Volleyball coach. The Chinese man then leapt to his death from the second level of the tower. The pair's Chinese tour guide was also attacked.
After such a high from last night (the buzz in this city made it feel like New Year's) and such an incredible kick-off day, I am obviously saddened by what's occurred. More than saddened, though (and maybe this makes me a bad person), I am nervous about what else might occur. According to the Times, attacks on foreigners are rare in China. I'm not going to become irrational and paranoid about my safety now, but it is definitely something to think about. It's surreal that Crysty was there a mere twelve hours before it occurred, and I am sick to my stomach over how the American coach is feeling. The women's team played this evening at Capital, but it is unclear to me whether it was the men's or women's coach whose relatives were attacked.
I will be careful. I'm refraining from judging this as anything more than a random act of violence. I do worry, however, that this isn't the last act against foreigners Beijing will see. I'm hopeful that people recognize the awesome power of what this is that we're doing here, all together, and appreciate it for what it is and what it is not.
Today was my first full day of work. I went to Capital Gymnasium to watch volleyball preliminaries and interview athletes. It was so incredible and made me want to play volleyball again. I think I'm going to join a recreational league when I get back to Boston. There are a few that meet in Brookline, etc., so I'm thinking of getting back in the swing of things.
These women are superhuman. I know I said the same thing about track stars, but I felt it even more with the volleyball players because I have a good grasp on what they're doing. Most of these women are HUGE (6'5ish). Watching what they can do with their bodies was unbelievable. One player on Cuba's team had an intense jump serve (where the player jumps as they are serving the ball). She would toss the ball EXTREMELY high into the air (high enough that she had time take two steps back), and then glide to the ball and jump in the air to meet it. She was 6'4 or 6'5, and perfectly proportioned. Her arms and legs were insanely long and all muscle. She would hit the ball and her body would curve as she did so, so all of her force was guiding the ball to its destination. She placed her serves perfectly (right into the hole of Poland's defense), and I was awestruck. Another player on Cuba was a left side hitter, and her attacks were out of this world. I was scribbling down notes and keeping track of the sets while trying to pull my jaw up from my lap.
I felt giddy and nervous as I approached the mixed zone to interview my athletes, like an awkward high school boy about to ask the head cheerleader to prom. Hands sweaty, voice crackling, I attempted my first interview with a Polish setter I'd been watching closely. After Poland lost, I was certain the players wouldn't be happy to speak with journalists mixed zone. I cleared my throat and said her name, and she turned and greeted me with a smile. This superhuman setter, who is the definition of fierce (6'4, blonde, thin, tan, powerful) and who'd just suffered a loss in her first game at the Olympics, was happy to chat with me (lowly me!) who'd been admiring from a far. She handled herself with such grace (as did all of the athletes I encountered today) that I walked away feeling certain that she was not real.
I did a few press conferences today as well, which were quieter and not as much fun as the mixed zone. It was my first day at the Capital Gymnasium, so I was a little uncertain of where I was going when I first arrived. Once I got rolling, though, it felt great to buzz about the venue with my notebook and pen. I loved the fast-pace of getting quotes and entering them, and being briefed on the match beforehand was awesome as well. I'm excited to do it again tomorrow!
When we were waiting for the shuttle bus home, one of the girls got a text message from a friend who said that two Americans were stabbed at the Drum Tower by a Chinese man, who then killed himself. After the bustle and excitement of my day, I was taken to an extreme low that was accompanied by fear -- something I've experienced very little of since I arrived. Crysty was at the Drum Tower last night to watch the Opening Ceremony (I was perched at a little ex-pat spot called Room 101). Here's the full story from the NY Times. One American was killed and the other injured. Both were relatives of the U.S. Volleyball coach. The Chinese man then leapt to his death from the second level of the tower. The pair's Chinese tour guide was also attacked.
After such a high from last night (the buzz in this city made it feel like New Year's) and such an incredible kick-off day, I am obviously saddened by what's occurred. More than saddened, though (and maybe this makes me a bad person), I am nervous about what else might occur. According to the Times, attacks on foreigners are rare in China. I'm not going to become irrational and paranoid about my safety now, but it is definitely something to think about. It's surreal that Crysty was there a mere twelve hours before it occurred, and I am sick to my stomach over how the American coach is feeling. The women's team played this evening at Capital, but it is unclear to me whether it was the men's or women's coach whose relatives were attacked.
I will be careful. I'm refraining from judging this as anything more than a random act of violence. I do worry, however, that this isn't the last act against foreigners Beijing will see. I'm hopeful that people recognize the awesome power of what this is that we're doing here, all together, and appreciate it for what it is and what it is not.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
It's a hard-knock life...
I have a really hard life.
I was called into work yesterday to watch the Opening Ceremony Dress Rehearsal from the fifth row.
That's right. I had to sit there and watch an incredible show for free in the fifth row on my day off. It's a hard job, but someone's got to do it, right?
Alright, let's be serious for a minute. I've never seen anything like what I saw last night. I was applauding and screaming like a fool the entire time, simply because I was overwhelmed by the awesomeness of it all. Amazing stunts, lights, fireworks, dances, music... It was completely ridiculous in the best possible way.
It put me in exactly the mood I've been searching for: I am exuberant. Please watch the opening ceremony on television. Without giving anything away, just know that it will blow your mind.
I was called into work yesterday to watch the Opening Ceremony Dress Rehearsal from the fifth row.
That's right. I had to sit there and watch an incredible show for free in the fifth row on my day off. It's a hard job, but someone's got to do it, right?
Alright, let's be serious for a minute. I've never seen anything like what I saw last night. I was applauding and screaming like a fool the entire time, simply because I was overwhelmed by the awesomeness of it all. Amazing stunts, lights, fireworks, dances, music... It was completely ridiculous in the best possible way.
It put me in exactly the mood I've been searching for: I am exuberant. Please watch the opening ceremony on television. Without giving anything away, just know that it will blow your mind.
Friday, August 1, 2008
I found hot wings tonight.
I've been craving buffalo wings for days.
Tonight, in a restaurant we've been to almost every other day since we arrived, we spotted what looked like buffalo wings on the menu. We took a chance and ordered them.
They were the spiciest, tastiest thing I have put in my mouth since I arrived (with the exception of the mind-blowing pork dumplings served at the same restaurant), and I was so, SO thankful. They had red and green peppers on them, and they were INCREDIBLE. Just the right kind of spicy. They left my lips tingly and my tongue numb. Perfect.
I have better things to say about today, but that's going to have to wait until I have more brain power to work with. For now, we'll just stick with four words: HOT. WINGS. IN. CHINA.
Tonight, in a restaurant we've been to almost every other day since we arrived, we spotted what looked like buffalo wings on the menu. We took a chance and ordered them.
They were the spiciest, tastiest thing I have put in my mouth since I arrived (with the exception of the mind-blowing pork dumplings served at the same restaurant), and I was so, SO thankful. They had red and green peppers on them, and they were INCREDIBLE. Just the right kind of spicy. They left my lips tingly and my tongue numb. Perfect.
I have better things to say about today, but that's going to have to wait until I have more brain power to work with. For now, we'll just stick with four words: HOT. WINGS. IN. CHINA.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Little bit of love, little bit of love
I was reminded by a few people (both here and in the States) that I am having an amazing experience and I shouldn't be boo-hooing about not experiencing what I experience every day when I'm home.
Thank you to those of you who smacked some sense into me and told me to suck it up. I needed to be slapped around a little bit, and I'm back on track.
I had my first day of work yesterday, though it was mostly team-building stuff and sport-specific training. We played games to get to know each other, and one of the games involved picking jelly beans up with chopsticks and running them across the room to deposit them in another bowl. I was nervous because I'm not the best with chopsticks, but I totally rocked at it, so maybe I'm doing better with little things like that than I thought. I am pumped for the Olympics to start. I am thrilled with what I'll be doing. I love who I'm working with. China still doesn't make sense to me, but I'm back to liking it again.
We discovered a place called "Grandma's Kitchen" that has American-style food, and we just got back from having brunch. It was fantastic and my Mexican skillet had real beef in it! Perfection.
I don't think I'm going to end up making it to Shanghai this weekend because I have to work, but maybe some other time when my schedule allows for it. Anyway, thank you to everyone who responded to my whining with either comfort or a reminder that I'M IN CHINA and should be using this experience to my advantage.
You know when things just... start to align? And your life almost immediately feels better? Well... the past two days have been that. It's like China knew that I was getting frustrated, and decided to fix itself. The weather has been so much cooler (meaning upper 80s! Woohoo!), and I'm getting more familiar with the subway. Our cab drivers have been pretty good about getting us where we need to go without almost killing us in the process. I haven't seen anyone peeing on the street, and I've had good food and company for an entire 48 hours. Thank you, universe, for reminding me how important it is to be rational and fair.
That's it... I'm off to take a quick nap before meeting up with the girls for a girls' night out at China Doll (I've rediscovered my love of dancing!). I'll be home by midnight. Lovely!
Thank you to those of you who smacked some sense into me and told me to suck it up. I needed to be slapped around a little bit, and I'm back on track.
I had my first day of work yesterday, though it was mostly team-building stuff and sport-specific training. We played games to get to know each other, and one of the games involved picking jelly beans up with chopsticks and running them across the room to deposit them in another bowl. I was nervous because I'm not the best with chopsticks, but I totally rocked at it, so maybe I'm doing better with little things like that than I thought. I am pumped for the Olympics to start. I am thrilled with what I'll be doing. I love who I'm working with. China still doesn't make sense to me, but I'm back to liking it again.
We discovered a place called "Grandma's Kitchen" that has American-style food, and we just got back from having brunch. It was fantastic and my Mexican skillet had real beef in it! Perfection.
I don't think I'm going to end up making it to Shanghai this weekend because I have to work, but maybe some other time when my schedule allows for it. Anyway, thank you to everyone who responded to my whining with either comfort or a reminder that I'M IN CHINA and should be using this experience to my advantage.
You know when things just... start to align? And your life almost immediately feels better? Well... the past two days have been that. It's like China knew that I was getting frustrated, and decided to fix itself. The weather has been so much cooler (meaning upper 80s! Woohoo!), and I'm getting more familiar with the subway. Our cab drivers have been pretty good about getting us where we need to go without almost killing us in the process. I haven't seen anyone peeing on the street, and I've had good food and company for an entire 48 hours. Thank you, universe, for reminding me how important it is to be rational and fair.
That's it... I'm off to take a quick nap before meeting up with the girls for a girls' night out at China Doll (I've rediscovered my love of dancing!). I'll be home by midnight. Lovely!
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